Dating a non binary person

From popular magazines and dating advice books to talk shows and Bachelor Nation, we have a plethora of suggestions on how cishet, white, able-bodied, upper-middle-class folks can date each other within cishet, patriarchal structures. Our humanity cannot be boiled down to a binary. There is a spectrum of gender, as well as a spectrum of sexuality, and there is also a full spectrum of personhood, needs, wants, desires, and abilities! Our media and societal lexicon is full of stereotypes and misconceptions.

I still remember the moment I came out as genderqueer to my then-partner. I was finally sharing a deep and important truth about myself: I was ready to transition and was overjoyed at the prospect of having my partner by my side. While his sexual preferences are his prerogative, he had failed to be supportive. That made me afraid to transition. I was afraid of being abandoned, afraid that I could not be loved as I was.

Whenever I go on dates or have casual hookups, this is generally the type of conversation I get. This is a direct quote from the last hookup I had. I like to hang out somewhere in the middle. Sure, some days I dress more femme, and other days I dress more butch.

In the beginning of the fall semester, I struck up a conversation with a person named Will in my class who recognized the logo on my shirt. Six months later, Will and I are happily still in a relationship. Will is friendly, outgoing, and passionate.